Aug 29, 2007
some nights the moon is bent double
laughing
at the trysts that go on
behind the sun's back;
until it aches and grasps
its stomach, vomiting
at the thought
she could have prevented some
had she shone her brightest
just for that night.
My horoscope for August 2007 provides:
"This month you come to the end of a 1,000-mile journey. Ever since Saturn entered Leo in July 2005, you have had a long and gradual process of reinventing yourself. You may feel as though you've just completed an important rite of passage, and chances are that you did. "This is so true. 2005 was really a bad year for me. I had gotten sick, my apartment broken into, broken up a long-term relationship (6 yrs counting the close friendship before officially becoming a couple) and I find myself looking back at how far I've gone, especially when I remember those times when I thought the pain was too much to bear. But now I must look forward. Just the other night I was overwhelmed with fear and panic, just out of nowhere. Well, really it's because of the bar, but I closed my eyes and remembered that I was where I wanted to be. That it's worth it. That I must make another step and keep going, I mustn't stop now.
"Whenever we enter a realm where everything seems new and a bit overwhelming, it takes time to ease into the new role. We feel that way when we do something that's life changing for the first time...Now, as you gaze back over the past two years, your old life likely seems almost laughably easy. You grew into your new responsibilities, and although life may have seemed exhausting because you had so much to learn, now it probably seems as it should - normal."I'm grateful to be this lucky. To be where I am now- near the finish line I set for myself 7 years ago. It's been a hard journey, and hopefully it will end soon. So I can look with eyes reborn. Alive. I used to be dead, in a sense, perhaps my old poems will show some glimmer of that truth, but if you notice, over the months, I have started injecting hope in my work. And maybe a bit of anger. Fire. I believe it's time for me to claim my birthright, the sun. Let me break free from the shadows of my past and warm my hands by the fire. My hands have been cold for so long, tired from holding the moon up, as a make-shift sun as I weave my way through the dark path, sidestepping tentacles that are prone to curl around my ankles.
"You assumed your life would continue as it has so far, but Saturn is moving on to another sign, so actually, life is about to get a bit easier for you by next month. By September 2, Saturn will be bidding adieu to Leo and moving on to Virgo."
I got goosebumps when I read that part. If Saturn really was a shadow over my life, it leaving on September 2 is the best sign I could ever ask for. September 2 will be the first day of my bar exams. The last hurdle I must jump before the finish line. The race against time is on. Yes, that is why it means so much to me. Because it is only after it is over that I can truly begin again.
So wish me luck, readers and let me thank you for walking with me all this time.
your soul phantasm,
rax
Labels: letters, lunar eclipse, rax, thoughts
