Jan 7, 2007
The clock is ticking and with every day that passes, my anxiety builds. I am at a crossroads looking down the different paths unsure of what they may hold for me. Choices are never easy because ultimately, there will always be consequences. Always. I can choose to stay still and be comfortable in this bubble but I cannot ignore the consequences of staying still... So I must choose and time is running out.
"If god doesn't exist then this life....every second of it...is all we have"
-Anne Rice
Law school has changed my perspective a lot. Four years and just little over a month to go before graduation... . I still have some doubts. Maybe I'm still searching for a some sort of meaning despite the ruined expectations of a noble profession. It is a noble profession... in an imperfect system... practiced by imperfect men (and women). This (formerly) innocent child has learned that the world isn't as pretty as she would like to think. Law and Justice were supposed to be synonymous... but I have been told that that was a misconception. Justice is found within the bounds of the law, and only within it, so if the law itself is imperfect, then justice too will be imperfect. Truth, in law is not the same as the TRUTH. Truth is what can be proven in court -- judicial truth... My head is spinning. I am reminded of the fantasy books I read, and find comfort in some, maybe more comfort than I could find in my law books:
"The evil are guilty, and create Law. The good are innocent, and create Justice."
-Terry Pratchett
Our professors encourage us to change the system. To fight it even. I'm just feeling a little small. My uncle had decided to lecture me on the "profession." "We lawyers end up as crooks," he says. "At least the famous ones do..." Sigh. I refuse to believe it. Belief is a strong thing. It can change one's life so one must always be careful in choosing what they wish to believe in. (Faith comes under this category- but that's another entry...)
"Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool"
-Terry Goodkind-Wizards First Rule
True, the public does not hold lawyers in high esteem. There must be a basis somewhere. But as an afterthought, we aren't all alike. There must be some honor left in this world. There I go dreaming again... But I will TRY. I am not afraid. I am not afraid. After all, this is what I want.... isn't it?
"Fear rules those weak enough to accept it."
-Greven il-Vec, Magic: The Gathering
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